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🤮 1/5 - Don't fall for it
By 👻 @Mike N, 10/15/2023 3:00 am
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This was the worst meal I had on a 9 day trip to Italy and the worst fine dining experience I’ve had in my life. I have never before left a review on this site, but the experience was so bad, I had to write my first. On many negative fine dining reviews, I often wonder “does the reviewer just not like fine dining?”. That is not the case here. I don’t eat at 3 star places every week, but tend to go to one a year and generally love the taste and creativity shown at these restaurants. First, let’s talk about setting. If you imagine “globally homogeneous generic fine dining” you have the picture. The interior was elegant but bland. The neighborhood has the grunge of an artsy area with the boredom of a family-centric area. The museum has a tacky video ad for the restaurant in the lobby. A sterile distance exists between the guests while somehow providing none of the privacy benefits this should afford. If you are in one of the middle tables, you can overhear almost every other table as guests try to justify their meal’s expense and reassure each other that the food is in fact good (despite what their taste buds tell them). The staff buzz about with an awkward self-consciousness that puts one in mind of millennial art school dropouts. You feel watched, but not in a comforting way. Even placing plates down in a coordinated manner is an awkward stuttered dance. I found myself rooting for my server several times as they struggled to explain a dish. But what about the food? To summarize, it was bad, but sometimes bad in creative ways. Not “bad for the money” or “not as good as I hoped”, but legitimately not enjoyable. Creativity is important, and the chef is certainly creative at times. Unfortunately, this is done at the cost of taste. Each course ended with us saying “that’s interesting”, which is faint praise. At a restaurant like this, you should be inadvertently smiling after your first bite, you should be sad that each portion is so small, you should be holding back moans of pleasure - and then you should appreciate the creativity. Here, the occasional creativity is all the food has to stand on. Let’s go through some highlights: - The most tasteless foie gras in Europe - Almost crunchy risotto with Gorgonzola fit for a microwave dinner - Umami flavored gels and jellies (which I would have found more interesting if I had never had a tasting menu before) - Boring cheese sticks - Chef Boyardee-inspired tomato soup (with admittedly tasty dumplings) - Grain bread with butter that is somehow bitter - Forgettable beef with tough and bland cow's heart After many courses of pretending to enjoy the food for my benefit, my wife looked at the clock slowly ticking, leaned in and whispered “am I being tortured?” We laughed as both of us finally admitted to the other that we were having a miserable time. Like fraternity brothers during pledge week, we found solace in each other and our bond was strengthened as we braced ourselves for the final dishes. Perhaps this moment was the chef’s real goal all along. Wine was good. Dessert was fine. In summary, absolutely avoid this restaurant.
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