A Michelin Flat Tire - Maude Beverly Hills - Buy Reservations
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🤮 1/5 - A Michelin Flat Tire
By 👻 @t o, 12/09/2023 3:00 am
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After 40 years of traveling all over the world and dining in everything from Michelin to mom-and-pop restaurants, this is my first review. I connected in LA to dine at Maude while traveling for vacation. What a mistake. The restaurant is small and very nicely decorated. If Japan is still working on robots for restaurant servers, they should call this restaurant. Maude has already perfected robotic service. We were met at the door by a somewhat intimidating person who appeared to be the head server. No welcome or engagement; all business. Sit here. We dutifully did. With all the personality of an unplugged refrigerator, we were on the edge of our chair after each course, hoping that she would not serve the next dish. Better one of the robot servers who mechanically called out the ingredients of the dish. She served about half of the dishes, mumbling words, but we dare not to ask for clarification. The food is beautify presented, with tweezer applied flower petals on each dish. Unfortunately, every dish was tasteless and bland. This leads me to believe that Curtis has hired his Gardner to moonlight as his chef. He should stick to gardening. Hope fades after about the third dish that there is any hope for the evening. Still working to forget the entire experience, I won’t share each course as others do. But to provide some context, one dish was a Chile “soup” that was poured table side from a tiny bottle. I think that’s the Michelin part of the experience. The tiny bottle. In any case, the soup tasted like McCormick’s red Chile powder cooked in boiling water. The other dishes weren’t any better. The only highlight was the bread and butter. It has some green specs baked in which Broom Hilda mumbled, but again, we didn’t dare ask. When we thought the evening was finally over, we were brought upstairs to a wine cellar for dessert. Again, very nicely decorated with 100’s of bottles of wine and about every spirit you can imagine. This is a good strategy; try to forget you just wasted a ton of money for the worse meal of your life with alcohol. Maybe they’ll come back? One area that Michelin restaurants excel is desert. Always creative, beautifully presented and delicious. Not here. The first dish was some mandarin thing with nuts or seeds. The second was a sugar globe with dehydrated fruit. It looked like a dog’s breakfast, and someone must have put the cake in the dehydration machine along with the fruit because it was like eating sawdust. Mercifully the bill finally came to the table. While I always tip 20%, I was going to reduce the tip to 15%. But that isn’t possible as the service charge is already added at 18%. Another smart ploy, as some of the staff would go hungry. There is a tip line, which is quite presumptuous of them but after all that alcohol, why not give it a shot? I was going to actually add in a negative 3% and net out to a lower number, but recognized that would only extend the suffering. I just wanted out. I paid and left. When you leave, they provide you a copy of the menu. They should really do that upfront so you can follow along, given all the mumbling. But on second thought, I wish they hadn’t. Reading the menu the next day is like waking up in Vegas the next morning with a tattoo and asking what did I just do? I’m sure LA has a number of good restaurants. This isn’t one of them. Next time I want to dine at a Michelin restaurant to celebrate, it’s back to New York…where Maude wouldn’t last the proverbial “NY minute”.
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